A Pregnant Mother Considering Adoption

I took sharp notice of a recently posted blog entitled, Dear Pregnant Mother Considering Adoption, by Kristin Jones. The following excerpt stopped my breath:

There are many people who will pressure you to relinquish your child. People will tell you that you are not good enough to raise your child……Many people will tell you adoption is the brave thing to do. They will tell you if you loved your child enough you would place that child for adoption. This makes no sense to your child – your child believes if you loved them you would not give them away.

As a pregnant teen in 1970/1971, I fell into the “pressured to relinquish my child” category. There were no blogging adoptees….no blogs. No Facebook pages. No support groups. No documentaries. No Netflix movies. No flip side to consider.

There were only the blaming, shaming voices of adults convincing me that I was unfit to be a mother. “Giving your child up for adoption is the most unselfish thing you will ever do,” they said. “Two parents can give your child a happier, healthier life.”

Recently, my first-born daughter, who was raised in a lovely mid-western home, with a father and a mother and seven siblings shared this eye-opening truth with me. “Everything you read tells us that adopted children are the ‘chosen ones.’ But, I don’t feel chosen - I feel rejected.”

I hope all pregnant mothers considering adoption will talk to other (birth) mothers. I pray they will look for adult adoptees and listen carefully to what they have to say. Talk. Voice to voice and face to face. Pause and consider.

It helps little that I know to the very depths of my being, the decision I was forced to make to let my little girl go was the most painful “choice” of my life. There is no escaping the fact that my little girl grew up feeling rejected and unloved…..by me.

And that is not OK.